The Ugly Truth

I’m a shallow person. I am vain and often define myself with the things that I possess because I never feel I’ve actually achieved something big enough to define myself with.

I judge people. Like… a lot. But I hate people judging me.

I’m vain. Maybe more vain than I care to admit.

I rarely care enough to get to know *or even invite* a new person in my life. I just feel fed up with people.

Once I get to know people I a) lose interest in them b) begin to see the worst in them.

Which makes me love my books and the worlds they create more than people and the world I live in.

Speaking of books and knowledge…  I’m so deep in my own life, ego, shit, etc, that I often find myself reading news and books just to keep up with the others and not be completely left behind. Otherwise, I tend to be quite ignorant. Like… I don’t know some BASIC stuff. Which makes me really ashamed of myself.

Shame… Shame I feel after shouting at my daughter during those brief and rare (THANK GOD) moments of helplessness. Sometimes I find myself holding her a bit too tightly. Then I stop quickly and hate myself. And cry. Cry a lot. I am a terrible parent.

Guilt… No, I don’t feel any guilt. Sociopaths never do. Well. I’m not a 100% sociopath, but I’m well on my way, thank you.

I’m not a victim. I refuse to see myself as a victim of any kind. I am a product. Of myself mostly.

After reading this, you may ask:

SO. FUCKING. WHAT.

Nothing.

There’s really no purpose to this post.

I just felt like sharing.

I don’t expect you to feel sorry for me, I don’t expect you to say that everybody’s kind of like that. Nothing like this bullshit. There’s Woody Allen movies for that type of shit. I just felt like writing today.

And I damned well did.

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Публикувано на personal, thoughts. Запазване в отметки на връзката.

One Response to The Ugly Truth

  1. cruel каза:

    Haha, I like it.

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